ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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