We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Randomize
