Who wears a wallet chain?!
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
