If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
