my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
