Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
It was a blind-side dick pic.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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