Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
