How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
