You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
