his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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