So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I seem to have left my pride at pride
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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