belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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