I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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