you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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