just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
