About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
