You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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