If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Randomize
