There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
