Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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