I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
