a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
