i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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