Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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