I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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