Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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