I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
