Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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