32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
