Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
