We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
