Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
