According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
