I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
