even my farts smell like vagina
i wish my penis had a tongue
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
My breath smells like gin and sadness
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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