"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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