Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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