So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
