come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
