I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
