Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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