and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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