when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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