The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
