Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Two words: blizzard sex
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
