:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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