We're like a lot better than the average bears
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Randomize
