But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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