ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
