Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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