We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
