Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
