i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
