It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
