i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
