Pappa wants mamma naked
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I touched a dick in church today
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
