Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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