i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Randomize
