im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
