I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
